It’s been a mere eight years since starting along the FI(RE) path. I remember discovering FIRE in my PGY3 year (ah, PGY2 and 3 in a five-year program. It felt like bad times – when you know lots more than you did in medical school, and it seems like residency will never end. I wonder if it’s different now that the Royal College exam has moved to PGY4).
But anyways. Eight years. With a significant pay bump four years ago, going from residency pay to staff or attending pay.
Struggles with work life balance in combination with the tragic loss of a colleague resulting in a decision to scale back to half time (which isn’t really half time, but at least it’s not working more than full time now, which was the previous state of affairs). Significant pay cut two years ago, going from full time (hah! More than full time) work to part-time work.
Long hiatus from blog mostly due to other creative outputs (such as creative fiction and puttering with different arts and crafts). And in terms of less happy things, life has certainly had its own stress, much of it not even work-related.
And here we are. LinkedIn recently informed me of my 4-year anniversary with my current health authority, and some kind former co-residents congratulated me on the work anniversary.
I thanked them but haven’t dared publicly post on LinkedIn – “Thanks for your well-wishes! Guess what, I’m retiring!”
Okay, So I’m Not Actually Full On Retiring…
…but I could. I am planning to make another big change though. So why the change now?
My amazing work counterpart with whom I job-share is sadly returning to her home province. I’m super happy for her that she’s returning to the warmth of her long-time friends and her family, and her beautiful and beloved culture. Truly, I think everyone (physicians and otherwise) should ideally work in a way that is soul-nourishing. She’s making the right moves for her!
It did get me thinking about what I would do after she left. Since she gave me +++ time to start thinking about it, I did +++ thinking in the spring.
And then summer hit, and it was blow after blow at work. Due to the larger “geopolitical landscape”, the health authority really tightened down. Administration/leadership figures whom I deeply valued working with left of their own volition or were unceremoniously booted from their office. Previously vacated admin positions were being left unfilled though the need for support for the front-line clinical work only continues to grow.
Add to that a lot of summer coverage for colleagues taking vacation on top of my usual work, and I just began to feel quite ragged around the edge.
Which led to…
Continuously running the numbers since earlier this summer and discovering that Mr. Sparks and I are actually good to retire. Today. Even accounting for fertility treatments of the past couple years, which will not be an ongoing expense (and is a whole other heart-wrenching saga in and of itself).
I enjoy covering for colleagues. Different patients, different settings, sometimes entirely different roles. But I think I’d rather just cover for them rather than cover for them AND do my usual work. Even if it’s my usual part-time work, and not the previous technically (but in reality more than) 1.0 FTE load.
And if the numbers work for it…perhaps it’s time to look at transitioning to just doing coverage.
My current idea is to become a locum. Just do coverage for people’s vacations. I enjoy the variety of things I see across different areas my specialty covers. And, if I become a full-time locum (or “substitute doctor”), this should make it easier for colleagues to take long vacations whenever they want to, without worrying about burdening other colleagues in their absence.
Thinking of starting with just the city I’m in but could expand to other adjacent regions or even the rest of the province. But I suspect there’s more than enough work in my city alone.
Time Is Short
Two years ago, my division lost a wonderful colleague, tragically early, completely unexpected.
Approximately 3 weeks ago, that happened. Again.
It’s still hard to process that she’s gone. A bright, beautiful soul who was astoundingly beloved by all her patients. Was slowing down clinically in prep for retirement but still so active – I think she was more fit than I am. Certainly can cycle farther than me.
Had she not been struck by a vehicle, I would have estimated her to be one of those people who live well into their 90s (barring any other developments like cancer or falls/fractures), cognitively intact all the way through, and then sort of falls of a cliff of health towards the end because we all die eventually. But she should have had at least another 25 to 30 years full of vibrancy and joy.
Alas, that is not how it happened.
It’s so heartbreaking – she and her husband were the coolest couple. So in love. I can only imagine the helplessness he felt or is still feeling. Maybe the rage at the stolen years, lost decades together that were planned for.
Intellectually, I’m well aware that the future is not guaranteed. I think physicians generally are. It’s different to be aware than feel it in the gut.
Sometimes, we get rude reminders of this reality. It can come in the form of patients whose stories and timelines hit too close to home. Or colleagues and friends who are lost before their time. Then we really feel it in the gut.
I’m slowly making peace with the fact that I am a somewhat selfish human being. I want my cake and to eat it too.
I want to go on adventures with Mr. Sparks where I’m not stressing about coming back within a certain time frame to avoid burdening my colleagues and he’s not stressing about making it back in time for patients who need to be seen at very specific intervals.
If we are lucky enough to have a little Sparklefly of our own, I want us both to be able to see their milestones every step of the way.
I want the energy to give form to those creative things inside me – minimally possible after long days at work, even if those long days are rewarding.
This is why I started down the FIRE road – to have the freedom to choose. Why Mr. Sparks and I set aside a pretty high percentage in investments each paycheque rather than upgrading this or that.
Freedom not only requires the numbers and dollar signs freedom, but also the inner freedom. Wrangling with work-guilt is tough.
How can you leave a system in need?
You should have given your spot in medical school to someone else who’s willing to work harder and longer.
You’re going to waste all those years of education?
It’s taken a lot of conversations with good friends and Mr. Sparks to help work through some of it. Tis still a work in progress. Even writing those italicized words above made my fingers pause at the keyboard as my soul quivered inside.
For now, I’ve decided to give two years’ notice to give my division plenty of time to plan and recruit. I even found a potential replacement for some or all the roles my 1.0 FTE comprises – a very promising resident who wants to stick around town and who I think would be an asset to the division.
We’ll see what the future brings, but at least it’s currently something I’m looking forward to.
Well, there’s the update for 2025. Not sure if it’s encouraging or depressing or both. Perhaps that’s a decent analogy of life, lol.
Will post numbers and FI methodology next weekend.
Until next time,
Dr. FIREfly.
Longtime lurker. I wanted to congratulate you on FIRE-ing, and on a very well written piece!
We are of the same vintage. I’m also part of the dual-MD DINK club. Also not much luck with Sparkleflies. Currently in the thick of trying again. A colleague also passed away unexpectedly recently. Every day is busy, sometimes happy, sometimes sad. To be an MD feels like a catch 22 – the things that professionally advances us, puts us back personally, re: time, energy, patience for each other, ability to have a family.
Thank you for sharing and kudos for the courage to make choices that work for you. Looking forward to your pieces on how you got to this point financially.
Hi FIRE friend, thanks for commenting and for the congrats!
Sorry about your colleague. My thoughts go out to your group and your colleague’s family. The ripple effects reach wide and deep.
And sending you good luck vibes for kiddos. So tough and sadly so common. I’ve started chatting with my learners about this more (once I started feeling better on the personal pain end of things) as I wish I had a staff or mentor bring this up, even as a remote possibility. Oddly, it never really occurred to me that it might be an issue for me and Mr. Sparks. And agreed, being an MD is sometimes a catch 22. There’s no “good time” to have or try for kids, much of the time.
I daydream of a world in which all people are doing the amount of work they want and the type of work they love. I found during times when I was too busy, I still held it together at work and was able to my patients and my teams the best or at least good parts of me, but at home, Mr. Sparks would get whatever was leftover – sometimes a spouse, sometimes a relatively inert and harmless lump on the couch, but sometimes an indiscriminately destructive volcano (or at the least, a scalding geyser). I didn’t want to do that ongoing, hence these job structure morphs in the recent couple years.
Thanks again for dropping by and saying hi ^ ^ Sending all the good luck wishes your way!
Hey Dr. FIREfly.
Unexpected deaths that hit close to home certainly do make you reflect on how much you give to and receive from your career. That definitely increases as you get older (I am pushing 50). Incremental changes help you feel things out and your financial position gives you the ability to do that. In terms of work-guilt, doing locums fills a need in the system that most people are not willing to do because of the financial stability issues. So, you are actually making an important contribution by going that route. It also keeps your skills and foot in the door to maintain that flexibility. A smart move I think – I wanted to do that, but there is an abundance of locums and few full-time jobs in my specialty.
I went to part-time (really 0.5 FTE clinical and 0.5FTE blogging/teaching) and that pace seems the right balance for me (for now). We have found that we make some adjustment like that about every five years. The work environment changes, our life changes, and we change. So having flexibility and changing along with those factors makes sense.
-LD
Thanks Loonie Doc, appreciate the support. It’s intriguing there’s an abundance of locums in your field – I wish there were more in all the other fields too. I think if I had access to a locum, I wouldn’t feel the push to pivot to being one.
Glad you’re at a balance that currently working well for you! And so grateful you are among the docs leading the charge to model different ways of life (which includes paid work/non-paid work balance, spending, and a multitude of other things). Thank you again for all the wonderful work you do – both within medicine itself and in the personal finance space!
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